Devu

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Today Devu died. We lost a part of us with him. He leaves behind a gap in our heart that will never fill. 

                                                      Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die...

So far so good...

The initial few weeks after starting the job were really amazing... So many things were happening at the same time, didn't have much time to comprehend everything but I remember being really grateful all the time for every bit of it....
That's the thing with life you either have everything at the same time or nothing at all... The only thing that remained constant was me being mean to V before n after... No arrogance or change in attitude because of the job...!!! Really I was mean even before....
Well, the work is good, I like it but the place, not so much.... This place the more I have gotten to know it the more boring I find it.... Anyway lets not go there, the ugly side of me will start speaking if I did... The good thing is that this city is close to the other awesome cities like Washington DC, New York etc... That seems to be the only consolation.. Haa...
Well, all of plans of eating healthy and losing weight have gone miserably down hill.... I am gonna try and be better at it.... I now have genuine respect for people who have the will power to eat healthy, exercise and not abuse their bodies by overeating.... And, I am talking about celebrities who get paid big "figures" on the basis of their "figure" , I am talking about real people like me... with a job and an emotional eating disorder....
Well, fat shall come and fat shall go.... 

New Beginings!

2 Corinthians 9:14-15

And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. ¹⁵ Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

On January 28th 2013, I started my new job with much anticipation. Had worked too hard and waited too long for this day. I joined Barclaycard US as a Business Analyst. :)
The first week of work was crazy, less to do with my actual work and more to do with my life around it... Learning to drive on the dreaded I 95 highway where I thought I would be killed even before I got my first week's pay, staying in the hotel by myself for a week and not having anyone really to talk to except Becky... Well, then I moved into my apartment and did a lot of stuff on my own really... It was really good feeling of doing everything on your own but again there is no denying the pain of hypocrisy or irony....
The search for a new church, new couch and new friends lead me to different places none of which I liked as soon as I saw them... But, eventually got all the right ones for me....
Within the first month of moving, i also made my first trip from one city to another alone at 70 miles/hours on an average... Haha... This I feel very proud of... From a girl who never drove 1 year back, to a girl who drives in a small town, to a girl who drives with her heart in her mouth with her husband sitting next to her, on Feb 15th I transitioned into the girl who rips on the left line to reach her destination as soon as possible.... :)

The BEAUTIFUL snowflakes!

Day 13.....Day 15

Day 13! This week has been a crazy week... Finally the start date of the offer I was waiting for came through and there is so little time to do anything... We have been having extreme cold weather here in State College, my first time ever experiencing such harsh temperatures... But on the bright side, I did discover the wonderful designs of snow flakes... What an AMAZING thing it is. No two snow flakes are the same, each one is different, just like all of us.

Due to the frenzy or rather the utter shock surrounding my move from State College, the post I began writing on Day 13 never got completed and it continues on to Day 15 today... Well, the move has been rather SAD, not because I was leaving V behind. But because I was moving far away from my 2 closest friends in State College Becky and Gaby, they made my boring life so much better and brighter.Will MISS them so very much... :(  Especially Becky, she is like a mother to me...  :(  And because of these lovely people and my wonderful church, I had come to love State College so much... It is such a safe, protective and cozy town...

Today I missed church as we were moving to Wilmington, Delaware where my new job is... I am a new driver and today I drove for 3.5 hrs non stop from one town to another.... Its a first! As, I settled into my hotel where I will be staying for a week till I find an apartment, it finally HIT me. I was going to be staying alone int his NEW town. I have never lived on my own ever!!!! I am not scared of living alone but of being alone, with no friends, family, pet and I hate that I have to drive on the busy FIVE lane I 95 highway at 65 miles/hour with my heart in my mouth. I have never driven on such highways. And this scares me to death literally. If I die on highway I 95, I will not be surprised at all. Nope, nah, nada not an atom of doubt there.
I am starting to feel the strangeness and cold vibe of this place... And, I have not even gone to work yet. Hopefully, I will be treated kindly there if I survive to reach the office. Fingers crossed!

Have not been sticking to my plans very much for the fast and praying either... But communication with Jesus  is always there through out the day, with out which how will I survive the I 95 highway! Lord! Save your child from all those fast cars and from myself!!!

Matthew 8:26 
And he said to them, "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?" Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.

Day 9

Well day 5,6,7,8 came and went... I hardly did had the patience to get on the blog but here I am finally on Day 9...!
Thursday was a very weary day with lots of tears but anyway in the end me and V went to the bar for his weekly Thirst Thursdays event... Drank lots of water, whiffed all the junk food at the bar and had a decent time with friends at the bar... One funny incident that night was, 2 guys walking up to me and my 2 girl friends and asking us about our plans for the evening... Guess, its the American way of asking girls out... Well, I thought it was some random guy trying to sell us some stuff and told we were waiting for our husband and off
they ran away to my amusement!!! I didn't really understand what happened at the moment since I am not very used to the American dating culture, but my Spanish friends got it and were pretty pleased with themselves, knowing that they still had "IT" in them... We just had a good laugh... I am sure the guys were trying to ask my really beautiful friend Gaby out... She is always the target! :)
Well, I dnt even remember what I did on Friday... Hmm.. Signs of old age I guess... Oh... I remember now.... I got news on my telephonic interview, it seems it went GREAT!!! Wow!! Spent most of the day planning the F2F interview which will be in Rhode Island.. We'll see how its gonna go.. :)
In the evening we went out to ski/snowboard on Friday evening with Gaby, Jose and Garry.. Its was a CRAZY night.... I am never going to do any more snowing activity as I finally realized on Friday that I suffer from Hypothermia... I was really freaked out to try snowboarding, though I was on the board for 20 min.. Then I just threw the board away, did a couple of rounds of snow tubing which was new... It was great but it hurt my butt a bit... I wasted 30$ on my snowboarding, but I realized its not my thing... I am never gonna do it... I hate being in the snow so long and struggling to do something which I dnt enjoy doing....
Day 10 was a Saturday and Gaby and Jose had called us over for lunch to celebrate their friend's birthday... Gaby is not used to cooking but she did really well... Fed a nice meal of salad, rice,Red pepper chicken and the birthday cake!!! Yum!!!
Day 11, Sunday was usual, church and cleaning the house. Managed to watch 2 movies, Argo and Skyfall over this break...
Day 12, today has been absolute laziness did not do anything hence finally blogging...

As you can see, I am fasting all right but praying has been on been satisfactory the past few days... Have to get back on track....
And also start preparing for the interview... Everything will happen in God's time alone...

Day 4

Its been a quite day and I did not happen to study much for my interview last night... Hmm... Having said that, I started watching this old TV series called as Breaking Bad, had been pushing this around for sometime cause its story line sounded similar to Weeds.

Well, anyway the interview was at 3:00 pm ,so I did have a lot to time to watch some more BB episodes and brush up for the interview. The interview came and went, it was ok,. I can't really be sure they will call me back for a F2F interview though... We'll see.

After that it was back to business with Netflix and some more job search. And today, I did eat 2 oranges in the evening.

The only good part about today was that it snowed last night and it looked beautiful outside. Serene.

I am going to make black eyed peas burgers tomorrow for lunch. Looking forward to it!

Day 3

Had a Bible study with my pastor on Mark today. I love the Mark series, it is so insightful and exciting. This will always be special cause I am reading it my favorite pastor, Becky!!!

She is one of my best friends here in State College. She is always smiling, encouraging and has been outrageously kind to me in my tough times and she still is a big pillar of strength for me. A motherly figure away from home. Love her so much. Seeing her live the way she does, inspires me to be a better human being and to be a better Christian. From the moment I have met her, she has done nothing but help me with everything she can, encourage me with her charming stories and kind words, wipe my tears, hold my hands and sit still with me for a moment, give warm hugs, pray with me and help me get closer to the Lord. She is a true inspiration! 

Day 3 of my fast and I think I am finally on track. No dried berries, no oranges just one meal till now and praying. But there not me as much implementation as I would like.

Its been a really bad evening with recollection of terrible memories, bad realization which get worse with every passing day. Nothing really surprises me anymore now a days. Have to take each day as it come, the bad realizations and the good.

On the job front, still no news on the start date, my heart has started to sink like the Titanic wrt to the new job I was jumping about last week. So, decided to move on and apply to other jobs as well. Have an interview tomorrow after a really long time. Trying to be optimistic and will try to do a good job of the interview.

Need to get of the blog though first!

Day 2

As I move into day 2, I realize this is tougher than I thought it would be, well the non eating part as well as the prayer part. But, I am surely trying to stay on track in both the things....
I did make a modification to the plan I chose, I decided to include 2 small oranges/ a small piece of fruit per day along with the one meal a day. Well, as I read though the Bible and realize the meaning of fasting and praying, I am sure there will be no more modifications in the plan.

I just finished watching the first season of a very nice TV series called "Switched at Birth", it was thoroughly entertaining. Over the years I have grown very found of a lot of  American TV series, just amazed at the variety they have Crime, Food, Reality Shows, Drama, Period, Vanity etc ... Love watching them all!!! I have had a lot of time to watch this stuff in the last 2 yrs, hopefully will stop having so much time at hand....
I am still waiting to hear back on the start day for my job.... Started applying to other jobs as well with a heavy heart...  :(

On the family front, it was great talking to my parents without much tension in the air... Dad talking about his plans and all his hard work... Really inspiring to see all that he has achieved till now without having anything to start off with... I wish I can do whatever he has, hasn't and more... Well, we can all dream and make a way for them come true too....!!! If we dnt even dare to envision it, how will it ever be a reality.... :) As my father says, it doesn't cost you any money to dream!!! Amen!
Miss Caesar so so much and the best thing from so far away is hearing my dad talk ( act jealous) about his luxurious life and all the attention he gets... I ask my dad about Caesar sometimes just to hear him act J. Little joys!
And then there are things that are more complicated and not so joyous. For those things all we can do is pray and trust Lord's plan for us.

Matthew 10:29-31
"Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid, you are more valuable to Him than a whole flock of sparrows."

21 Days of Prayer and Fasting

Acts 14:23
"And when they had appointed elders for them in every church, with prayer and fasting they committed them to the Lord in whom they had believed"

As I attended the church today, I realized I had completely forgotten about the 21 days of prayer and fasting that we would be starting off today. It was a good thing I never have breakfast on Sundays.

As I got home after the service, I was very confused as to what kind of fast plan I would choose. This is my first time ever and I wanted to make sure I would complete the 21 days plan and not desert it mid way because it would be too hard for me keep up with. Does sound convenient but it is not so, I just wanted the plan to be something that would hurt me but also something which was practically possible to do too.
I went through the different plans on the internet and the material provided by our church... It was all so confusing! There were cook books for sale for the 21 day fast!!! I was like what??!!??? How is that even possible??!!! Anyway, while I was doing this I had eaten half an apple, since I was sure I wasn't going to do the full fast, which means eating nothing for 21 days.
I thought about eating just my cabbage soup, fruits and raw vegetables for 21 days and ate some soup... But,
by the end of the evening I had decided that it might not work and as it didn't seem so much like a fast... And that is when I decided the best plan which would hurt and also be do able was 1 meal a day plan. This is kind off a big deal for me, since as a self confessed foodie. The plan is not only to eat only once a day but also to avoid all my favorite junk food like pizza, burger, fries, ice cream etc etc. So, that is what its gonna be.

Since, the whole idea of fasting and praying is to get closer to God, I am going to pray and meditate on God's word more than regular. I also have a list of things that I will be praying about. This is a first for me and I am ready for it.

Really need Lord's presence in a lot of things at the moment. Amen!

Zechariah 4:6
So he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power,but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.

Stay wow!

During my research on weight loss, I came across this amazing story of girl who had lost 33 kgs in an year!
I do find a lot of information, diet plans and tips on the internet but most of the times it is all very American... Especially the information on food is not very useful as Indian food is not as simple as American food to modify and make it healthier... Eat a lot of greens, proteins and stay away from CARBS doesn't really apply to our food group. Have gone through lot of stuff and this girl's plan sounds a bit more promising than other plainly because it gives me hope of losing weight on an Indian diet.

Well, I still have to include a regular workout routine and start my diet plans soon! Today, I came across an interesting group of food called as the Negative Calorie Food. What it means is that when you eat these foods raw or in some cases slightly cooked with nothing on them, your body burns more calories digesting and processing them than what is in the actual food itself. Sure sounds great!

I am surely going to have a print out of this list sticking on my fridge. 

Fruits  Apple  Cranberries  Grapefruit  Lemon  Mango  Orange  Pineapple  Raspberries  Strawberries  Tangerine 

Vegetables  Asparagus  Beet  Broccoli  Cabbage (green)  Carrot  Cauliflower  Celery  Chile peppers (hot)  Cucumber  Dandelion  Endive  Garden Cress  Garlic  Green beans  Lettuce  Onion  Papaya  Radishes  Spinach  Turnip  

Waiting around..

As the week passes by, I am still waiting to hear from the new company to give me a start date.. Growing a little nervous about it and in the mean time binging on TV and desserts from Kanti sweets..! Halwa, Mysore Pak, Kesar Peda etc!!!

Well, I do have to get a on the diet and exercise routine but, I was planning to start everything together when I start the new job.. Well, for now that's still the plan...

On the happier side, went to the mall for the 3rd time this week... Well, it wasn't to shop more like to return the stuff I had shopped from last week... I have a bad habit of excessive shopping sometimes, more like emotional shopping... And, maybe I would have shopped yesterday too, cause I was in a crazy mood but thankfully I had forgotten my wallet at home... Yipee!!!

I wish it snowed soon.. I could use some happy time playing in the snow... :O

Praying for Healing

Jeremiah 33:6 

"Behold, I will bring you health and cure, and I will cure you, and will reveal unto you the abundance of peace and truth."

Sometimes the thoughts of worry for Rahul, my brother are so heavy that it is really a struggle to get through the day. today is one such day. My family is so far, sometimes there is only so much I can know and influence from being here. I understand we need to focus on praying instead of worrying but it is easier said than done. Strange thoughts fill me mind and I can feel myself sinking in them.

I was completely lost, very distraught before but now, my faith In Jesus has helped me have a source of strength, fellowship and hope even in the worst of situations. I am not where I used to be before and as the Lord works in our lives, I hope to look back and be a message to someone else too someday.
I am praying for complete recovery and prosperity for Rahul. Lord is my only hope and savior. Amen.

Jeremiah 17:14
"Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise."

New Beginnings!!!

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plan I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

As I start this new year 2013, there are a lots of new things that I am looking forward to, with lots of hope and a new zeal. For starters I have a new job, in a new town, will be living on my own for the first time in my life ever, so a lot of newness beginning soon. A little scared about it all but, will take each day as it comes, what's to fear when God's got your back. :)
 I always have lots of old ignored resolutions to keep this time. To make prayer time the priority everyday, lose 12 pounds of body mass, make exercise a  way of life, eat less, eat healthy food and to avoid junk food as much as possible, learn more on how to use my awesome camera. Sigh!
The year hasn't begun very well on the emotional front (will be referred as EF hence forth) , but have decided to take it all with a pinch of salt and zero expectation as always. Not going to worry too much, handing it over to God, he never sleeps anyway.
Let the games begin...And may the odds be ever in my favor! Hehehe... :)